Affection or a lesson first

I had been in full day classes for couple weeks. The time I spent with my children has decreased. One of the evenings after class, my oldest son, 3 year old, was so excited to see me coming back from class. He ran across the drive way to look for me, despite his grandfather was trying to stop him.

He was very happy to see me. But I was overwhelmed by how dangerous for him to run across the driveway. I gave him a lesson on how dangerous it was for him to run across the drive way. But he looked confused.

His confusing look made me ponder why he was not listening. When I thought about this, one thing struck me was this child has been longing to meet his mother for long weeks of classes. I felt his intention – to show his affection. However, at that moment, I felt the danger of his act first.

Well, which one should come first - to feel his affection or to teach him a lesson. If it would happen again, I think I will hold him first and enjoy the affection. Then tell him the danger for his attempt.

7 Reasons Why Kids Are Not Eating

I encountered many questions asked about kids’ eating habits during my sharing with parents. In facts, dealing with my own kid I realized having children to build a good eating habits takes time to cultivate and patience to tolerate the messiness! From personal observations and feedbacks from teachers and parents, I think there are at least seven reasons why kids are not eating.

1. Kids do not eat when there are too much distractions around
   TV, games, toys, quarrel, visitors, telephone conversation are the distractions commonly found during meal times.
   
2. Kids do not eat when they are in a new environment
   When kids are on vacation or go to visit relatives, it is expected that they might not eat much. There might be some exceptions, of course. They do not eat because they are excited and they want to explore the new environment.
   
3. Kids do not eat when they are stressed out
   Things can stress children out include - start of school, moving to new home, children witness parent fight, too bored, lacking of closed connection with parents etc.
   
4. Kids do not eat when the weather is too hot
   The weather has become different and crazily hot nowadays. If the child does not eat when the weather is too hot, try to have them to take in a lot of liquid.
   
5. Kids do not eat when they are too bored
   When the child has not much to do physically, they will not eat much either.
   
6. Kids do not eat when they have same kinds of food for a long time
   Children are not like adult. They can not stand to eat the same kinds of food. They want something different and creative on the table from time to time.
   
7. Kids do not eat when they want attention
   Kids are good at getting adults hooked! When they feel they are not getting enough attention or love, they will know how to get it, especially something will get on your nerve!

In conclusion, kids’ eating habits could be a sign to show their unhappiness, discomfort, even excitement. Their ability to express their emotion is still limited, so happened that eating is one of the ways they would use. I feel the best way to deal with not eating is to stay calm. If adults do not make a fuss about it, the child will follow. However, if eating habit has become a psychological issue, showing of strange symptoms, it is best to consult pediatrician or professional help.

Tips dealing with my kid unwilling to go to school

As school starts many parents are eager to see their children meeting new friend and learning different things in school. However, for the first time schoolers, their experience might not be the same like parents. The new environment, new faces of teachers and other students in fact might freak them out for the first few weeks.
Thus, I would like to share some of the tips, which I have found useful for myself in terms of dealing with my own three year old. You could use them as a reference, because I know different children will have different ways to express themselves.

1. Listen to your child.
The child is excited about school and yet at the same time, she might still have some unpleasant feelings about going to school because she is still adjusting to it. Normally, in this kind of situation, some kids will spell out their unhappiness, instead of their happy feelings. They seem to be negative about school. They want parents to listen to the unpleasant feelings they are facing in school. In situation like this, parents try to listen (without adding much teachings or words) and acknowledge their feelings. At the same time, parents can pinpoint to the child the positive sides of school, like the activities in the school, the names of the friends (what they did in school), the teaching materials they are exposing to.

2. Let the child follow your pace.
When the child shows resistance in the morning, saying things like “ I don’t want to go to school”, “I do not like school” etc., trying not to give any response. In other words, just ignore it and keep on doing what you are doing. Don’t stop and nag. Parents go on dress up and get ready to work. Inform the child that you are leaving soon, otherwise she will have to stay home by herself (with a gentle and steady voice). In that case, you will have the opportunity to divert her attention.

3. Check the activities of the day
It would be helpful if parents can check with the teacher the activities of the day. Then parents can have the child to have something to look forward instead of dreaded about school. Also, parents can mention the name of her friends in school, like what they will be doing with your child later in the school. In short, try to distract the child from being negative about school.

4. Normalize the cry
Some time I feel that some adults take crying quite negatively. Those do not cry will be labeled as good child, whereas the crying child will be labeled as not so good child. But I think the child should be allowed to cry, because every child is different in how they show and express their emotions. They are still too young to express their feelings in words. Thus, crying is still their “vocabulary” to show their feelings. Thus, I feel that may be parents let child know that it’s ok to cry because she is still adjusting to school. Try to encourage the child that she will get used to school slowly. By then she will be able to make.

5. Wake up earlier
I think it would be helpful if parents can wake up the child earlier. The child is given some time to “wake up” and to have breakfast. Otherwise, the morning will fill with nagging and hurrying. If that is the case, I don’t think it would do any good for both parents and child.

6. Accept “relapse”
May be the child seems to adjust to the new environment after couple weeks. But then at the third week, the child suddenly cries when she sees school. What parents can do is telling the child that “it’s ok to cry, because it takes some time to adjust.” However, parents do not stop. Be firm and proceed to the queue or places where they should be in.

7. Be patience without giving in
Through the process of adjusting to school, some children might show strange behaviors. Imagine a child being left alone by parents in a new environment, how do you feel? In the beginning process of going to school, the child might have some sense of insecurity. Help your child to express their feelings in words, instead of parents reacting to the child’s “strange behaviors.” Talk to the child and find out whether it is the fear that bothers the child. Then assure the child that you have checked and found out that school is the safe place to learn. Meanwhile, do not give in to the child’s negative behaviors by quitting school, otherwise, the chances for the child to show that “strange behaviors” to get what she wants would be higher in the future.

Last but not least, have faith in the child that she is going to make it one day. If it is still not happen in the following weeks, do not blame yourself. Take it as an opportunity for parents and child to work together.